The other day I was talking with 2 ladies about dating. I was telling them that I was single by choice for the past 13 years. During that time, I just never found someone who lived up to the standards that I hold to myself, so I didn’t want them to be a role model to my son. I was listening to one of the other women say that she was a single mom and chose to be single for 15 years for the same reason. The 3 of us were having a lovely conversation until I asked for their opinion.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine about an outing that I had with a guy that I’m still trying to clear from my mind as he “is attracted [in me], but isn’t open to a relationship at this time.” She was telling me that this statement could mean that he was A) just trying to be nice or B) needed to clean up “his house” before letting me in. I thought of this and ok well there is nothing I can do. I’ll leave it be. Then she said “the reason that you are having a hard time attracting men is because you don’t dye your hair.”
My thoughts were “Are men really that shallow?” and “I don’t want a man like that”, and “Why would I want to dye my hair when half the time I don’t brush my hair?” (I have thick Asian hair. If I wake with a full bed head, it will be pretty flat by the time I leave my house without the brush.)
Since then I’ve been asking random people and some friends this question to get a better feel for this statement. Thankfully out of the 23 guys I asked only one said that I should at least brush my hair, but dying it isn’t necessary. My friends (guys and ladies) all said that there wasn’t enough gray to warrant the added expenses.
Some of the ladies’ I didn’t know answers were not so nice. One woman told me that there was “No man who would be able to see past the gray” and “how is he to get to know your personality if the gray is preventing him from talking to you?” Another one said “Since you don’t wear makeup, you will die alone!”
I was in complete shock! Then I remembered what I tell my son about when people say things about you…. they are really just airing out their insecurities.
Has society really taught women that they are not pretty or worth anything without that mask? Have we really gotten this shallow as a society or is it just a few that feel this way and project onto others?
I was happy that I remembered what 3 of the guys said…
- “If you change to wear makeup and dress up just to meet a guy and after 6 months you go back to who you are, the guy will be confused… who is he actually dating?”
- “Most men want the lady who is low maintenance and still look beautiful.”
- “You don’t need to wear makeup or dye your hair! You are pretty, funny, smart, and fun. You have a great personality and are interesting to talk to. That’s all that matters”
I wasn’t looking for compliments but received quite a few.
I want a man who fully appreciates a low maintenance woman. (The woman who can wake up from a dead sleep, get out the door in less than 5 minutes, and be completely confident in herself) And after hearing the men’s views I’m confident I’ll find one… hopefully it doesn’t take another 13 years!