Monthly Archives: August 2016

Others’ Insecurities

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Others’ Insecurities

The other day I was talking with 2 ladies about dating. I was telling them that I was single by choice for the past 13 years. During that time, I just never found someone who lived up to the standards that I hold to myself, so I didn’t want them to be a role model to my son. I was listening to one of the other women say that she was a single mom and chose to be single for 15 years for the same reason. The 3 of us were having a lovely conversation until I asked for their opinion.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine about an outing that I had with a guy that I’m still trying to clear from my mind as he “is attracted [in me], but isn’t open to a relationship at this time.” She was telling me that this statement could mean that he was A) just trying to be nice or B) needed to clean up “his house” before letting me in. I thought of this and ok well there is nothing I can do. I’ll leave it be. Then she said “the reason that you are having a hard time attracting men is because you don’t dye your hair.”

My thoughts were “Are men really that shallow?” and “I don’t want a man like that”, and “Why would I want to dye my hair when half the time I don’t brush my hair?” (I have thick Asian hair. If I wake with a full bed head, it will be pretty flat by the time I leave my house without the brush.)

Since then I’ve been asking random people and some friends this question to get a better feel for this statement. Thankfully out of the 23 guys I asked only one said that I should at least brush my hair, but dying it isn’t necessary. My friends (guys and ladies) all said that there wasn’t enough gray to warrant the added expenses.

Some of the ladies’ I didn’t know answers were not so nice. One woman told me that there was “No man who would be able to see past the gray” and “how is he to get to know your personality if the gray is preventing him from talking to you?” Another one said “Since you don’t wear makeup, you will die alone!”

I was in complete shock! Then I remembered what I tell my son about when people say things about you…. they are really just airing out their insecurities.

Has society really taught women that they are not pretty or worth anything without that mask? Have we really gotten this shallow as a society or is it just a few that feel this way and project onto others?

I was happy that I remembered what 3 of the guys said…

  1. “If you change to wear makeup and dress up just to meet a guy and after 6 months you go back to who you are, the guy will be confused… who is he actually dating?”
  2. “Most men want the lady who is low maintenance and still look beautiful.”
  3. “You don’t need to wear makeup or dye your hair! You are pretty, funny, smart, and fun. You have a great personality and are interesting to talk to. That’s all that matters”

I wasn’t looking for compliments but received quite a few.

I want a man who fully appreciates a low maintenance woman. (The woman who can wake up from a dead sleep, get out the door in less than 5 minutes, and be completely confident in herself) And after hearing the men’s views I’m confident I’ll find one… hopefully it doesn’t take another 13 years!

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Self Reliance

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Accept responsibility - Les Brown.jpg

When I used to work in the Brickell area of Miami I remember I was on the train one morning and saw the most amazing thing. These 2 little boys came in. The older one was about 5 years old and his brother was about 2. The 5 year old lead his brother to a seat, placed him on it and stood in front of him. They went 2 stops at which time the older child took his brother off the seat and lead him off the train.

I was in tears being so proud of them – yes I freaked when I realized they were alone. My son at the time was 13 and I still wouldn’t think of letting him take the train alone. I also remembered something I had heard once on TV “The more affluent the family, the more dependent the child.” At that moment I fully appreciated the truth in this statement.

When my son goes to see his father in Los Angeles he learns self reliance. My ex-husband doesn’t take time off when my son is there, so he has to find his way to UCLA for swim practice. With that said the route is 2 buses in the span of an hour and a half to get there from his father’s house. Over the years he had to fly alone cross country and one year he got to go on a over-night camp at UCI for swimming. I know if it was up to me and my parents, the boy would never have had those experiences. For this I’ll always be grateful to his dad.

This year because of those experiences I sent him to Boston on a 2 week SAT prep class and college tour with Abbey Road Programs. Quite a few of my friends and family were shocked that I sent him alone on this program. While he was gone I wasn’t worried as I knew that he was capable of looking out for himself and trusted that he would call if he needed any sort of help.

He had a Fabulous time and I see more of the man he is becoming because of it.

My True Self

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eleanor-roosevelt-Criticized anyway

Hi! Well as you can tell I’m back.

A friend, Jorge, asked me to return to posting as he thought that others were missing my quirky view and the silly things that I just so happen to catch. In one of my last posts I received a backlash and a part of me was questioning “Who am I to post my thoughts and feelings?”

Over the past year and a half I had a chance to read and listen to various people along with my beloved #SethGodin who reminded me to #ChoseMyself. Also with my son growing older and posting in Social Media I see just how cruel, sensitive and/or ignorant people can be when they are anonymous. Over the year I learned that I post for me and those who are entertained keep reading. Those are the people who I write for.

Recently I went to dinner with Jorge. I was telling him that I had just started with a health program #AthleanXX. I LOVE THIS PROGRAM. The workouts are challenging without hurting. The next day I’m gently sore and within 3 weeks I have seen a change in my body. The part that entertained Jorge was that the founder Jeff Cavaliere @trainer2thepros had said that it is better to speed up one’s metabolism one should subscribe to eating every 2.5 to 3 hours with half of your meal be non-starchy vegetables, 1/4 of the meal starch and the last 1/4 a protein. I started doing this and noticed the inches melt away. My only issue is that I eat so slowly that by the time I finish I had taken 30-45 minutes and by the time the 2 hours or 2.75 hours passes I’m not hungry yet.

My question “Does the clock start at the beginning or the end of my meal?”

Jorge couldn’t stop laughing until I told him that when I eat with him I unconsciously force myself to eat faster when he is eating (thankfully Jorge inhales food), but as soon as he is finished I slow down and eat at my own pace. He thought of that while watching me eat – Jorge never rushes me – and said the clock starts at the end of the meal. He said being that many moms read my blog, they would appreciate some of my silly thoughts and insights.