Author Archives: Stef in Miami

About Stef in Miami

Hi I'm Stef in Miami, a single mom who enjoys reminding people of their Inner Brilliance and Potential! IG: a_positive_force

Others’ Insecurities

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Others’ Insecurities

The other day I was talking with 2 ladies about dating. I was telling them that I was single by choice for the past 13 years. During that time, I just never found someone who lived up to the standards that I hold to myself, so I didn’t want them to be a role model to my son. I was listening to one of the other women say that she was a single mom and chose to be single for 15 years for the same reason. The 3 of us were having a lovely conversation until I asked for their opinion.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine about an outing that I had with a guy that I’m still trying to clear from my mind as he “is attracted [in me], but isn’t open to a relationship at this time.” She was telling me that this statement could mean that he was A) just trying to be nice or B) needed to clean up “his house” before letting me in. I thought of this and ok well there is nothing I can do. I’ll leave it be. Then she said “the reason that you are having a hard time attracting men is because you don’t dye your hair.”

My thoughts were “Are men really that shallow?” and “I don’t want a man like that”, and “Why would I want to dye my hair when half the time I don’t brush my hair?” (I have thick Asian hair. If I wake with a full bed head, it will be pretty flat by the time I leave my house without the brush.)

Since then I’ve been asking random people and some friends this question to get a better feel for this statement. Thankfully out of the 23 guys I asked only one said that I should at least brush my hair, but dying it isn’t necessary. My friends (guys and ladies) all said that there wasn’t enough gray to warrant the added expenses.

Some of the ladies’ I didn’t know answers were not so nice. One woman told me that there was “No man who would be able to see past the gray” and “how is he to get to know your personality if the gray is preventing him from talking to you?” Another one said “Since you don’t wear makeup, you will die alone!”

I was in complete shock! Then I remembered what I tell my son about when people say things about you…. they are really just airing out their insecurities.

Has society really taught women that they are not pretty or worth anything without that mask? Have we really gotten this shallow as a society or is it just a few that feel this way and project onto others?

I was happy that I remembered what 3 of the guys said…

  1. “If you change to wear makeup and dress up just to meet a guy and after 6 months you go back to who you are, the guy will be confused… who is he actually dating?”
  2. “Most men want the lady who is low maintenance and still look beautiful.”
  3. “You don’t need to wear makeup or dye your hair! You are pretty, funny, smart, and fun. You have a great personality and are interesting to talk to. That’s all that matters”

I wasn’t looking for compliments but received quite a few.

I want a man who fully appreciates a low maintenance woman. (The woman who can wake up from a dead sleep, get out the door in less than 5 minutes, and be completely confident in herself) And after hearing the men’s views I’m confident I’ll find one… hopefully it doesn’t take another 13 years!

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Self Reliance

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Accept responsibility - Les Brown.jpg

When I used to work in the Brickell area of Miami I remember I was on the train one morning and saw the most amazing thing. These 2 little boys came in. The older one was about 5 years old and his brother was about 2. The 5 year old lead his brother to a seat, placed him on it and stood in front of him. They went 2 stops at which time the older child took his brother off the seat and lead him off the train.

I was in tears being so proud of them – yes I freaked when I realized they were alone. My son at the time was 13 and I still wouldn’t think of letting him take the train alone. I also remembered something I had heard once on TV “The more affluent the family, the more dependent the child.” At that moment I fully appreciated the truth in this statement.

When my son goes to see his father in Los Angeles he learns self reliance. My ex-husband doesn’t take time off when my son is there, so he has to find his way to UCLA for swim practice. With that said the route is 2 buses in the span of an hour and a half to get there from his father’s house. Over the years he had to fly alone cross country and one year he got to go on a over-night camp at UCI for swimming. I know if it was up to me and my parents, the boy would never have had those experiences. For this I’ll always be grateful to his dad.

This year because of those experiences I sent him to Boston on a 2 week SAT prep class and college tour with Abbey Road Programs. Quite a few of my friends and family were shocked that I sent him alone on this program. While he was gone I wasn’t worried as I knew that he was capable of looking out for himself and trusted that he would call if he needed any sort of help.

He had a Fabulous time and I see more of the man he is becoming because of it.

My True Self

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eleanor-roosevelt-Criticized anyway

Hi! Well as you can tell I’m back.

A friend, Jorge, asked me to return to posting as he thought that others were missing my quirky view and the silly things that I just so happen to catch. In one of my last posts I received a backlash and a part of me was questioning “Who am I to post my thoughts and feelings?”

Over the past year and a half I had a chance to read and listen to various people along with my beloved #SethGodin who reminded me to #ChoseMyself. Also with my son growing older and posting in Social Media I see just how cruel, sensitive and/or ignorant people can be when they are anonymous. Over the year I learned that I post for me and those who are entertained keep reading. Those are the people who I write for.

Recently I went to dinner with Jorge. I was telling him that I had just started with a health program #AthleanXX. I LOVE THIS PROGRAM. The workouts are challenging without hurting. The next day I’m gently sore and within 3 weeks I have seen a change in my body. The part that entertained Jorge was that the founder Jeff Cavaliere @trainer2thepros had said that it is better to speed up one’s metabolism one should subscribe to eating every 2.5 to 3 hours with half of your meal be non-starchy vegetables, 1/4 of the meal starch and the last 1/4 a protein. I started doing this and noticed the inches melt away. My only issue is that I eat so slowly that by the time I finish I had taken 30-45 minutes and by the time the 2 hours or 2.75 hours passes I’m not hungry yet.

My question “Does the clock start at the beginning or the end of my meal?”

Jorge couldn’t stop laughing until I told him that when I eat with him I unconsciously force myself to eat faster when he is eating (thankfully Jorge inhales food), but as soon as he is finished I slow down and eat at my own pace. He thought of that while watching me eat – Jorge never rushes me – and said the clock starts at the end of the meal. He said being that many moms read my blog, they would appreciate some of my silly thoughts and insights.

The Castle and Journey

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The Castle and Journey

Do you ever take stock of your life and notice that you are just coasting along? You aren’t challenged in a good way, but stressed with day to day life. You feel like you have no real purpose but to survive. Everyday seems to blur together, and everything is just bland.

This is how I’m feeling right now. I seem to be content and just doing the motions. I was listening to Jim Rohn and Denis Waitley on my way back from the South Beach Triathlon where my son came in 6th in his division for the swim. I also looked at my cousin who 10 years younger than me has traveled the world, has 2 jobs, and owns a home. I listened to him speak and saw that he will go many places because he has purpose and vision.

A year ago I had quit my job to become a Professional Network Marketer. I live at home, pay off all my bills and have savings; but I don’t own a home. I feel like the content part of me is selling me the thought that I am happy with this arrangement. I love my parents and love the proximity of child care, counseling and help; but I think I need to force myself to spread my wings and fly.

My father has given in his notice at work. He wants to retire and focus completely on the stock market. My mom and aunt have closed the travel agency brick and mortar to work from home. I want to support them. I want to know that if they or Keegan and I decide to travel the world, the money is readily available.

I have been working with GMYS to build up their support on their Shop dot com page. Truly looking at my progress I know that I haven’t given my all.

With that said looking back at the past couple years I honestly have to say that I haven’t given my all. I remember when I decided to finish university. I was on a 2 year hiatus with 9 declared majors under my belt and nothing to “show” for it. I went with my dad to St Thomas University to talk to the Monsignor. My parents just wanted me to finish with anything! It was really bad. When I started in the school I had a VERY LOW GPA .94, I had many credits that were just everywhere, and I still wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do.

After talking to an advisor about psychology (3 of my 9 declared majors) I got to talking with the business advisor for Tourism and Hospitality Management. I listened to him and knew that this was The Way for me. Being that my 9 declared majors were mostly in social science, I pretty much had to start over with business. I needed 2 accounting classes, 2 finance classes, 2 economy classes, 2 computer classes, 2 certain math classes and about 9 Tourism and Hospitality classes. I also had to get the requirement classes that didn’t transfer from public university to Catholic university – religion, ethics, history, English. They told me that it would take me a little over 3 years to complete my degree.

When I heard that and took stock of where I was and where I wanted to go, I figured out that I wasn’t going to take 3 years. I started taking 20-21 credits each semester. I took week long concentrated classes and night classes. I finished everything in 2 years exactly and graduated with honors with a 3.39. I was so focused and driven that everything (except finance and economics) was a breeze. During that time even while dating my ex-husband I knew where I wanted to go – GRADUATE FROM UNIVERSITY NOW!

I feel like I’m back where I was before my dad took me to St Thomas University. The feeling of directionless and content; and just like after the meeting with Professor Klein I know where I want to be – finished and accomplished.

Because I started working out again I seem to have more energy. When I blog and post on my Facebook page I remind myself each time that I have purpose. I don’t know what I did to motivate myself to really dig deep, put my head down and just plow forward; but I’m open to let it happen. During that time I didn’t need pictures, goal boards or affirmations to make me push myself, it was just a KNOWING that I was ready.

I remember I was talking with someone who asked me what is holding me back. I thought about it and said “I am a person who can see the castle, but when foraging through the valley I get distracted and turned around.” I told him that I needed someone to help me stay focused and navigate me. He asked an AMAZING question – that took years for me to “get” – “Who says you have to go into the valley?”

A mentor that I had told me that I have the every answer that I will ever need to any predicament I encounter. When I looked puzzled he said I’m just asking the question wrong and learn to play with my questions until I get an answer.

While listening to Jim Rohn he also said something that I needed to hear “No one is coming to save you, so you have to save yourself.” I fully understood this when I was deciding to finish college. I am appreciating this quote now as I decide to accomplish my goals – healthy weight and to be a Positive Influence in my community.

In writing this I feel that this was the force getting all of my body, mind and soul to agree that I want to finish. I KNOW I’m at that same crossroads. My soul is ready and I think my mind and body are starting to agree. I want to be my ideal health and I want to be a successful entrepreneur who helps Build Thriving Communities. I don’t know how to make a viral webpage or video. I don’t always enjoy presenting the plan, getting the sale or sponsoring someone or getting strangers to open up about their goals and dreams. But I do KNOW that it is time and I know what I want. The image/end result is becoming VERY clear in my head and I know I can accomplish it. Just like before enjoy every day because I’m moving towards my “castle”.

Are you a person who can “see the castle”, “the navigator and guide to lead others to the castle”? Are you waiting for someone to partner with you to get to the castle or just afraid to even try to attempt starting the adventurous journey? I have to agree – The only person to save you is yourself and whatever “mistakes” you make just show you more clearly which direction you should be going.

ALL the Best and Best Wishes on your trek to the castle! I know you will feel proud and accomplished when you arrive at the door only to see a bigger, more Amazing castle in the distance!

Wealth Health Love and Laughs

Update and Network Marketing Pro Marathon

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Update and Network Marketing Pro Marathon

I haven’t posted anything because I haven’t had anything moving to say. I was spending time with my son who was watching Extra Credits channel on YouTube. During that time I was thinking of what I wanted to post and how I hadn’t posted in a while. Then the speaker said that he only posts a video when there is something worth listening to! I have to agree with this way of thinking.

With that said, quick overview of what has been going on in my world. I started going to the gym and swim each day. When I started 3 Saturdays ago I could barely swim the 500 – 20 laps – in 25 minutes. The following Saturday I swam the 1000 – 40 laps – in 20 minutes. This past Saturday I swam 1500 – 60 laps – in 25 minutes. I was very nervous about progressing so fast as I had hurt my shoulder a few years ago from swimming. But I have to say I feel great being back in the water!

In January my son said that I need a social life. That night I went to a high school friend’s birthday party. I’ve been building my social life since. And I’m truly enjoying myself.

I started attending Meetup events again. Through Meetup I have eaten at a few local restaurants that I didn’t know existed but am happy that I experienced. I went paddleboarding and singing in karaoke. I attended a maritime archaeological presentation about the Half Moon wreck off the coast of Miami (25 43’37.45″N 80 08’04.66″W) and cocktail event for Reef Guard and 1-800-Yacht Charters. I’ve started with Toastmasters, Bill Walsh’s Rainmakers, and a couple networking events. This week a friend and I are going to a ghost tour at the Deering Estate, and I have a networking event. My son is in the South Beach triathlon for the swim leg and has his Spring Concert.

In other areas I released a torch that I didn’t even know I was still holding for someone. He came back after 5 years and there was so much I had to say, but after saying everything there was nothing left. Speaking about relationships I started talking to a high school friend with whom I had a falling out with many years ago. I look forward to spending time with her. ALL in all my world is expanding in a positive way.

On the business front I am talking to people and still having a challenge following up with some of them but I feel much more confident with what I’m doing. I’m talking with doctors regarding Nutrametrix – to promote health in the community, build retail income, and create residual income. I am also working with a couple Non-Profit Organizations with Fundraising. If you are interested in learning how to Convert your Spending into Earning contact me. If you are tired of trading your time for money and want to create Large Residual Income contact me.

I have been watching a Network Marketing Pro as a marathon getting my mind back into working for myself and solidifying my skills. I do notice that I’m more confident and am able to talk to people in a relaxed manner. Now just learning how to keep my tone and manner conversational. If you have any tips to help feel free to contact me.

I wish you ALL the Best and Many Blessings!

“It’s a stone cold fact that we have a better way, now let’s go tell the world” Eric Worre

Just wrong!

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Today at the pool one of the younger girls went to the vending machine and found a dollar in the coin change. There was no one around so she put it in her change purse. A little while later a fellow swimmer asked her to accompany him to the vending machine where a woman was standing. She asked if anyone found a dollar in quarters, the girl said yes and gave them to her.

At this point the woman starts yelling at the girl about how she stole the money: that the boy who left it couldn’t carry it and it was wrong that she didn’t give the coach. The woman also tried to gather information from the child like what is her name and what school she goes to.

The girl came back to the pool deck sobbing. She thought the team was going to be kicked out of the pool permanently all because of her. She kept saying that she didn’t mean to do anything wrong!

As a mom I’m appalled at this woman’s actions! When did we as a society give an adult the right to just start wrongly accusing kids at the top of their lungs? Would this lady have reacted the same way if an adult was present?

I’m saddened at how much this woman’s actions may adversely affect this girl. I made sure to take to the Head Coach to update him on the situation and ask him to reassure this child that she didn’t do anything wrong and that the team isn’t going to be evicted from the pool.

GGGRRRRRR

Growing up

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Today is the first day of my son’s last Jr Olympics. He turns 15 in June. A part of me is a little saddened. I know he is growing up and I’m fine with that, but sometimes it takes an event to really hit home.

I remember when he was 1 month I cried because he wasn’t considered a “newborn” anymore as he moved into infant-hood. When he started kindergarten, middle school, and then high school it hit me more than just a birthday. Knowing that he will soon be learning how to drive and in just about 3.5 years he will be going to college. I’m so excited for him but at the same time a little sad.

The thing that amazed me the most is how much he is maturing. Yesterday we found out that a state wide test that was postponed due to technical difficulty is supposed to be today. He worried so much and had to learn to let it go. He will take a make-up at a further date. I was pleasantly surprised that he was so concerned.

I watch him grow and everyday I’m so proud of who he is and who he is becoming. I wonder who he will be when he is 18, 21, 28, 35, etc

Taking a Class

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At last night’s event I got to meet a few Fabulous people and got to learn quiet a few things to help me with my business.

I learned there are 4 parts to a successful company, what should be on my business card, and about a few free sites to make my company stand out.

He had another class next Tuesday. I’m looking forward to going.

I met 3 people there who run non-profits and 1 who is interested in hearing the business plan!

Non-Profit Fundraising and SHOWING MY BRILLIANCE

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Non-Profit Fundraising and SHOWING MY BRILLIANCE

I work with non-profit organizations reward their supporters while fundraising. The program is part of what Amazon Smiles does but it also has a point system that leverages the community’s normal spending.Today I got to speak to a new non-profit who’s focus is helping women with cancer. Right now they are working on the Cinderella Project which helps girls with cancer be able to attend prom with donated dresses. Very worthy cause! From that meeting I got a referral and forever business thinking I told her that we should start up her group first then sponsor the referred church so that her group would have the leverage of the second group. YAY!

Do you ever just feel like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing with your life? I noticed that when I get to present, train new distributors and office staff of Non-profits and Health Professionals, and work the business with business minded individuals I feel a kinda buzz within. I feel alive and purposeful! I LOVE THAT!

Yesterday I got to talk with GMYS decision maker and they are launching a new website. I will have to write up the code to link their site up with their fundraising site (thank goodness that I learned how to program all those years ago!). I also have to write up templates of announcing the fundraising site. Once I get these items completed I have a system that new NPOs will be able to follow!

Later today I have a networking event with “over 200 Miami professionals”. I’m looking forward to this event! The other thing is that last week I had an event and someone wanted to talk to me about the business. As it turned out he was sick from the Thursday until Sunday, so he contacted me this morning and set up a quick appointment for 6p right before the event! I’m excited to talk with him.

A prospect contacted me about changing her presentation tomorrow morning to Thursday. The wonderful thing about this meeting is that she wants me to present to her and 2 other people who are interested in starting a business. The cool thing is that one is from Jamaica and the other is from England! Thankfully my company operates in both countries and delivers to over 200. If you are open to learn more about the company, contact me!

A Perfect Morning

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Today is one of those Miami mornings that everyone on the planet comes to experience. It a lovely 72 degrees with a light breeze coming in from the east meaning there is a light smell of the ocean anywhere within 10 miles off the coast.

I think another reason today is so Fantastic for me is that I had a GREAT time last night at the enriching Mental Beauty meetup event. I got to meet 3 truly Amazing ladies. During the night I had so many Aha moments. The hostess is a life coach and as you may know since January I’ve been taking stock and changing my world. It was empowering to bask in this healing, motivating, positive energy.

After the event I stayed behind to talk with the hostess who I clicked with. We had an eye opening conversation and when I left I felt lighter, most focused and purposeful. When I got home Monster Boy was still awake so we ended up talking. By the time I feel asleep I felt centered and connected.

This is one of the songs that resonate with me today.

On the business side 2 of the ladies are interested in attending the Weston presentation on March 11. I’m looking forward to attending and spending more time with them!